Facing the death of your child and bereavement

When a child dies, it simply does not make any logical sense. We do not expect to outlive our children. It is not the normal way of things. Suddenly, all the promise of that young life has gone. The sadness and grief can be overwhelming and it can feel as if nobody understands your pain.

This section of our website will try to convey what some parents and professionals have found to be helpful or unhelpful at this very difficult time. We could not address all cultural, ethnic, spiritual and religious points of view, and acknowledge that this section is largely written from the Western perspective. Thoughout the section, we have referred to 'parents', by which we mean the main carers of the ill child.

This section is broken up into smaller pieces, which you can read at the right time for you.

The information in this section is taken from our booklet 'Facing the death of your child', which contains more detailed information. Copies are available from your child's hospital, or you can download or order a free copy directly from our website. We also publish a booklet called 'Bereavement: sources of help and support' which your family, friends and child's school may find helpful.

Preparing for your child's death

In this section, you will find help and advice about preparing for the death of your child. We have included things that professionals and parents have found to be helpful or unhelpful at this very difficult time.

Parents - preparing yourself

In this section, you will find some ideas that you may wish to think about when you are trying to face the fact that your child is probably going to die. Knowing what has helped other families in a similar situation may help you find your own way of…

Preparing your ill child

In this section, we suggest how you can start preparing and talking to your ill child about what is happening to them. It is difficult to decide how much you tell your child and when. We offer some ideas and words that have been used by other people.

Preparing your other children

This section offers advice about preparing and talking to your other children about their brother or sister who is likely to die. It also addresses the tricky issue of how they might react.

Children's ideas and understanding of death

In this section you will find information about how children make sense of, and understand, death and dying. Children’s ideas change as they develop and according to previous experiences.

When your child dies

In this section, you will find help and advice about what to expect at the end of your child's life, what do to when your child has died, and information about how we grieve. We have included things that professionals and parents have found to be helpful or unhelpful at this very difficult time.

The last few days of your child's life

This section offers suggestions about coping in the last few days of your child’s life and how you might try and meet the needs of all your family. It also looks at feelings families have experienced about what happens at the end of life, and what has…

What to do after your child has died

This section covers some of the practical details and tasks that need to be done after your child has died. This includes registering the death and choosing an funeral director. We also offer advice about contacting others, in particular, your child’s…

The funeral and celebration or memorial service

This section offers suggestions and ideas about different funeral services. We look at what other families have done or found helpful or comforting.

How we grieve

In this section you will find information about how children and adults grieve. Knowing what to expect, and what others have experienced, may help you to see a way forward when grieving for your child. Children may seem to understand about death one…

After your child's death

In this section, you will find help and advice about what to expect after your child's death, both in the first few weeks and months, and into the future. We have included things that professionals and parents have found to be helpful or unhelpful at this very difficult time.

The first few weeks and months

In this section we look at how families may feel in the first few weeks and months after a child has died. We look at worries and fears that are shared by many families and how to recognise when your other children may need extra help with coping.

The future and special occasions

In this section we consider what happens when you face birthdays, other festivals and anniversaries of the diagnosis and when your child died. We suggest what has been found to be helpful by other families, what they have done to mark special occasions…