Registering the death
The death of your child must be registered within five days. If you feel this is too much for you to cope with, a relative or anyone who was present at the death can register the death for you. If you decide to do this, it may delay the paperwork that you will need for organising the funeral by a few days. This is because the necessary certificates will be posted rather than handed to you personally.
The death must be registered in the sub-district where it occurred. Register Offices are open Monday to Friday. You will need to contact your local office to check their opening times. Many offices operate an appointment system so you don’t have to wait.
To register your child’s death, you will need:
- The medical death certificate, which states the cause of death and is signed by a doctor. (If a post mortem is needed there can be a slight delay in issuing the death certificate.)
- Your child’s full name, date and place of birth, and full home address.
- The date and place of death.
- The parents’ full names, home address(es) and occupations
If the death has been referred to the coroner, they will send the paperwork needed directly to the registrar.
Don’t worry if you do not have all of these things with you as this will not delay the registration of death or any funeral arrangements. You do not have to take your child’s medical card or child benefit number with you.
The registrar who registers the death will give you two forms:
- A Certificate for Burial or Cremation (known as the ‘Green Form’), unless the coroner has already issued an Order for Burial or a Certificate for Cremation. This should be taken to the funeral director so that the funeral can be held.
- A Certificate of Registration of Death (BD8 form). If you are applying for help with funeral costs you will need this form. It will also be needed if your child had any savings accounts or trust funds.
Choosing a funeral director
If possible, take some time to choose a funeral director sympathetic to your needs. The local religious advisor or the hospital can give names of funeral directors with experience of children’s death and funerals. Watching your child’s body being taken to the funeral director’s chapel of rest can be a painful experience. Going to see your child there can also be very difficult, although it can be a time when the whole family can begin to grasp what has happened. It can also be a time to talk to your child and touch him or her, or to pray or carry out any religious practices that are important to you. The hospital where your child was treated, or some of the organisations in our useful links section, able to advise on local funeral directors who have reduced or minimal costs for children’s funerals.
You may choose to keep your child’s body at home until the funeral. If you do this, it may be useful to contact a funeral director for advice. You may choose to have your child’s body to stay at the funeral director’s until the night before the funeral, when they can be brought home. All these decisions are a matter of personal choice. Some funeral directors put make-up on children, and if you do not want this, then say so. Chapels vary and there may be changes in how your child looks, as your child would probably look different with make up on. You may prefer to call your child’s coffin a casket, which means a place for treasure. Some families put letters or favourite toys and precious mementos in the coffin.
Contacting the school
After your child has died, you will need to let the school know. If you wish, someone could do this on your behalf. The school may want to have a special assembly. They may also feel they would like to make a more permanent memorial to your child in the months that follow. Some schools have benches or seats with plaques, or special trees planted.
Sometimes, schools want to hold a service. You may want to get your wishes as a family across, if you feel this is too soon or at a time that is too difficult for you. If you already have a liaison person at the school, they will be a useful contact. This is particularly important for schools where there may be a brother or sister still attending. No one wants to make the situation more difficult than it is already.
Your child’s friends may wish to read poems, play music or sing songs at the funeral or thanksgiving service. You and your family can decide what feels right at the time.
What about my child’s friends?
Friends are such an important part of children’s lives. Often they wish to help out with the funeral, or to visit and share memories. Many friends of children who have died remain in contact for years. This can be a sign of respect and also an acknowledgment that your child, their friend, was and still is an important part of their life.
Who else should I contact?
It is useful to write to tell everyone who may send out appointments or who may still have your child’s name on a list. It can be upsetting to receive appointments that are no longer needed. It may be easier to nominate one person to do the ringing around on your behalf.
The list probably should include the following:
- School
- Hospitals or clinics involved in your child’s care
- Your GP (especially if they have not had much contact over the last few weeks/months)
- Dentist
- Health visitor
- Any clubs your child attended or was on the waiting list for.