When Beth Kellie’s son Kai was diagnosed with leukaemia, she struggled to maintain her mental and physical health while adjusting to life during his treatment. She writes on how she learnt to look after her own wellbeing and the importance of doing so.
When my six-year-old Kai was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia (ALL) in 2021, I went into a state of shock. In those early weeks in hospital, while his treatment was established, I slept badly, ate comfort food from M&S (microwave lasagnes were a favourite) and chocolate. I did what I could do to get through from one day to the next. The cliché of 'putting on your own oxygen mask first' doesn’t work when your child is seriously ill.
Kai’s diagnosis sent my anxiety through the roof. I couldn’t watch TV or read and, while I’m usually an avid knitter, I just carried it around with me. The hospital psychiatrist reassured me it was a normal response to the situation and suggested asking friends to help distract me, so that not every message or phone call was about cancer. I was lucky to have friends overseas who sent me pictures of beautiful beaches and sunsets and a small group knitting chat who, with my blessing, just carried on as normal.
Getting home helped. It was easier having two adults to manage the new routine of meds and round the clock care and we could eat much better, but I went to bed early most nights as sleeping was better than thinking and worrying. The psychologist sessions continued and we talked about living in the 'fight or flight' state and the toll this takes on the body and mind. I tried (and mostly failed) to remember to stop and take slow, deep breaths to calm the nervous system for a few minutes when doing the washing up.
"I started going for a walk and listening to audio books every day, while we also bought family gratitude journals and sat down with them after dinner each night."
As Kai started to improve physically, I wanted to feel better as I knew I needed to be in the best health possible to take care of Kai and our daughter, Grace. I didn’t want to feel so vulnerable anymore. I had put on almost a stone in weight. My husband Toby and I signed up for the 'Hope Programme' for parents of children with cancer and it encouraged regular, gentle exercise and goal-setting. I started going for a walk and listening to audio books every day, while we also bought family gratitude journals and sat down with them after dinner each night. It was great listening to the children and seeing their pictures and ideas, and it often descended into a competition of who had the funniest picture or story, with a lot of laughter. I read books that would help (‘Dare’ by Barry McDonagh was a good one) and got myself a counsellor.
Nearly all of it went out of the window when Kai headed into another round of intense treatment, but the foundations were there, and I knew what would help even if I wasn’t actually doing it. This time, I took salads from M&S into hospital. I was also ready to ask friends and family for help, which made the burden easier. One friend would suggest walks so I could offload, another lent toys so Grace had something different to play with as we semi-isolated again. This has no doubt been the hardest year of our lives, but physically and mentally, we are in a better place now and I’m grateful for the coping techniques we’ve found.
From Contact magazine issue 95 - Summer 2022
