Gayle Routledge, mum to Lewis who sadly died of cancer aged two in 2010 and founder of bereavement charity A Child of Mine, tells us how his memory inspires all that she does now.
In 2008, our world was turned upside down when our eight-month-old son Lewis was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer called neuroblastoma. We were thrown into a journey of hospital stays, chemotherapy, scans, and trying to juggle life between treatment and our eldest daughter Georgia, who was five at the time and about to start school.
Lewis’s treatment was intense. However, he took it all in his stride, he responded well and always knew how to charm the nurses. Neuroblastoma only affects around 100 children a year, and presents with solid tumours that spread through the nervous system. We knew Lewis’s prognosis was poor due to his staging, yet as a family we remained positive, which I think was very much a coping mechanism. We knew only too well the severity of his disease, but being positive helped us deal with his condition. Plus, this was our son. We could never give up.
Almost a year to the day Lewis was diagnosed, we were told that his cancer was back. The relapse hit us harder than his initial diagnosis, as we knew there was no cure for relapsed neuroblastoma. We still remained positive as there were some treatment options available to us. Those treatments didn’t work as well as we would have hoped and in January 2010, we were told that Lewis was palliative. We did have a treatment to try in London which was radiation therapy, but when we were there, we learned the cancer had moved into his brain. I think it was that moment that I actually accepted Lewis was going to die.
Lewis came home from London and was offered external radiation but the cancer was progressing and his little body couldn’t take much more. On 3 July 2010, Lewis died peacefully in my arms at Birmingham Children’s Hospital.
"We use his strength and his amazing spirit to inspire us
This may be difficult to read but, for us, it was a relief to see him out of pain, he’d endured so much in the two years since his diagnosis and he was now at peace. We strongly felt that we would rather have had Lewis in our lives even for short time, than to never have had him at all. Lewis taught us a lot and as our new life into bereavement started, we tried to remain positive for him, as we believe there’s always hope.
After Lewis died, we highlighted an unmet need in support for bereaved parents, and I really wanted to address that gap. In 2013 I founded A Child of Mine, a registered charity offering support to bereaved parents who have lost a child at any age and from any circumstance. A charity that gives hope after loss and shows parents that you can learn to smile again and not feel guilty. The charity helps guide parents through their grief and we’re very proud to have helped so many families in their darkest times.
I can honestly say that I’m at peace with Lewis’s death as I see the incredible legacy that he has left. Of course, life will never be the same without him and we’ll never allow him to be forgotten. But we use his strength and his amazing spirit to inspire us to be like him. We have to take hold of life and make the most of what we have. It’s not easy but we can learn to enjoy life again.
If you are in need of bereavement support you can explore our resources or visit A Child of Mine’s website.
From Contact magazine issue 94 - Spring 2022
