Sinead Wood's son Cillian finished treatment for T-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma last summer. She writes on how it took time for her and her family to adjust to life after treatment, and offers advice to others trying to do the same.
My name is Sinead Wood, mum to two beautiful twin boys Oisin and Cillian. In 2017, at the age of seven, Cillian was diagnosed with T-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma. For the next three-and-a-half years, he would undergo treatment and it was the hardest thing we as a family had ever done, but we did it - he did it!
I say “we” because when your child is diagnosed it truly affects the whole family. I used to feel selfish for feeling down, upset, tired or frustrated, but we as parents take on every bit of our child's pain and it really does have a long-term effect on your own mental health, too.
"Eventually, it did become easier and we quickly returned to being a ‘normal’ family again, but it was tough in the beginning. It really does get better but there is a process."
I’d become so anxious by the time Cillian finished treatment in the summer of 2021. During the last few months, I had so many questions and worries running around my head: How will this boy survive without chemo every day? How will I know if it’s back? Who am I now, if not a full-time carer with thoughts of hospital appointments and medication times? How can I unlearn everything I've been doing religiously, for the last three years?
I thought it would be the best day ever when Cillian finally got to ring the bell, but when it arrived, it didn’t feel like that. We said goodbye to nurses we had built a friendship with, nurses who’d seen the darkest side of us and knew things we hadn't even told family members. We also said goodbye to other families going through the same journey, wondering if, and hoping, they will one day ring the bell too. And I was still so flooded with anxiety, about what lay ahead.
The first few weeks were awful - every bruise, headache or slight temperature I was straight on the phone to the hospital thinking the cancer was back. They’d explain that this was normal and reassured me that they’ll always be there to help. Eventually, it did become easier and we quickly returned to being a ‘normal’ family again, but it was tough in the beginning. It really does get better but there is a process.
I found helping to spread awareness and giving back to charities really helped me, it gave me a way to focus and to talk, and I knew I was helping in some way.
Being kind to yourself and trying to enjoy life is also so important, as is being proud of all that you’ve achieved as a family, too. You don’t have time to think of how much your life is changing when your child is diagnosed, as you get thrown into it and everything happens so quickly. So, when that comes to end, spend time looking back and reflecting on all you’ve accomplished.
Cillian has just celebrated his 11th birthday with his first-ever sleepover. He’s now also finding his own personality and building a new life for himself, which is lovely to see. And though our kids - and us - will never be the same as before the diagnosis, that's not always a bad thing. They have compassion for others, empathy, and they’ll always know that life is so precious.
From Contact magazine issue 94 - Spring 2022
