Natalie Kisby is Head of Family Support at Candlelighters, a regional charity providing emotional, practical and financial support to families of children with cancer in Yorkshire. She discusses the importance and advantages of different communities in supporting families through childhood cancer.
When a child is diagnosed with cancer, everything changes. Things that seemed important before now seem trivial, and any sense of ‘normality’ is lost in an instant. After being thrown into a world of hospital visits, intensive treatment, isolation and stress, it becomes more important than ever to have people around to lean on, who can support you, your child and your family through whatever comes your way. This could be in the weeks following diagnosis, or in the longer term, as you and your family adapt to a ‘new normal’.
Belonging to and having a supportive community around you can be a be source of great help and comfort, both practically and emotionally. But what might the different communities look like? Who is in them and what can they offer?
Your family and friends
Don’t be afraid to lean on those closest to you for support. They are likely to be there for the important milestones in your life, and a childhood cancer diagnosis is no different. Having the support of those closest to you is crucial when faced with adversity, and they are uniquely placed to provide stability and familiarity when in very unfamiliar territory.
If they are available to offer a listening ear, practical support such as shopping and cooking, or to simply show that your family is in their thoughts, this can go a long way.
Your local area
Treatment for childhood cancer can sometimes mean families need to spend long periods away from home. They may spend an extended amount of time in a new city and can sometimes feel very removed from their local village or town. Returning home can bring a mixture of emotions and leaving the ‘safety’ of the hospital and medical supervision can cause anxiety.
But often, people in the local community, even strangers, want to help. We have seen some brilliant instances of local areas rallying around families to provide practical support - from helping with gardening to household chores - as well as moral support, and even fundraising.
You might not find it easy to accept help from others but saying ‘yes’ can make all the difference in feeling able to cope better with the demands of looking after your child with cancer.
Other families facing childhood cancer
Don’t be afraid to reach out and chat to other parents. We know that families often become friends, bonded by their shared experiences. The experience of childhood cancer is so singular that we cannot underestimate the power of talking to other people who just ‘get it’, without needing an explanation.
On the wards, families can become incredibly close, and many find it very beneficial to keep in touch and support one another through their own individual journeys. There are many charities that help to foster these relationships. For example, at Candlelighters we provide a space for families to meet at our support centre and offer opportunities to get together at groups and events.
Your child and school
School is a big part of any child’s life and crucial to their development. Many patients will miss a significant amount of school due to their treatment and side effects. However, there are things schools can do to help support your child during this time, not only in their learning but to let them know that they are missed and that their friends and teachers are thinking of them.
For example, we know patients are always grateful to receive cards or communications from classmates while in hospital, and teachers can help to ensure that they remain part of the class, despite not being there physically. This can help them to continue to feel connected with their learning, and also helps with the transition when they do return to school.
Talking regularly with your child’s school can be a great help. Try explaining your needs, so they know how to best help you and your child.
Charities
Charities are another huge part of the childhood cancer community. Every year, charities like ours help hundreds of local families affected by childhood cancer. They can provide a comprehensive range of services, including talking therapies for all the family – providing a safe space for adults and children to talk through their feelings, worries and anxieties, and giving them the tools to help them cope for the road ahead. We’re part of a broad network of organisations and, using our expertise, we can signpost families to any other support they might need.
Our community project also takes our support out into communities across the region, with a dedicated support worker for each area, helping families to combat the isolation they may feel once they return home from hospital.
Your child’s medical team will know about charities in your area which may be able to help you, while you can find many charities that offer support on the CCLG website.
From Contact magazine issue 97 - Winter 2022
