Dr Martin English, Consultant Paediatric Oncologist at Birmingham Children's Hospital and CCLG member writes...
“Is this ‘normal’, Doctor?” This was one of the first questions I was asked when I started in paediatrics, and I suspect it’s the same for most of my colleagues. It’s a frequent question from new parents with a first baby who worry about what is and isn’t expected. So, too, do most new paediatricians who are also on a steep learning curve!
Of course, normal life isn’t the same after a new baby or any other major change. When we talk about getting back to normal, what we often really mean is that we want to return to how things were. If a family member has an illness such as cancer, routines and priorities all change. It’s not just getting the family up, dressed and breakfasted before school and work. It’s also about taking medicines on time, coordinating appointments with community nurses doing blood tests and dressings, scans at the hospital, admissions for treatment, reviews in clinic and so much more. Take your pick, the list seems endless.
In this ‘new normal’, it feels as though you are spinning a lot of plates at the same time. More plates are then added, and some plates can only spin slowly and some must go faster. I think the best way to cope is to take help when it’s offered - and ask for it if it isn’t. It’s a bit like climbing a mountain: you need to follow a map to get you to your goal at the top, but on the way, keep looking everywhere else so you don’t trip and fall.
Big changes are always hard. On that first day at school, there were probably a lot of butterflies in the stomach, possibly some tears, or maybe some excitement. Before long, going to school every day became normal, or to be more accurate ‘routine’. Then one day it’s secondary school and there are more changes. Coming off treatment and moving to follow-up can feel a bit like that, too. The comfort blanket of contact through things like clinics, line flushes and dressing changes goes and families can feel a little adrift after treatment finishes. Even though it is great to be back in a non-cancer routine, it isn’t always the same as it was before and it sometimes does not feel normal.
What is normal are the emotions we feel, such as the worries, anxieties, fear and uncertainties following a new diagnosis or an unexpected scan result. Reaching out to give or receive help is the best thing we can do when normality changes.
