Kelly Scott was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma when she was a teenager in 2001. Now working for Teenage Cancer Trust, she explains how this affected her relationships with her peers and how some simple acts of kindness helped support her.
I don’t remember much of my early treatment as it was so intense. I was very sick, tired all the time, and got to the point where I couldn’t speak above a whisper. I was being treated in a fantastic hospital, but with no other people my age and no idea how I should feel. Friends visited me, but I don’t really remember them coming because of how poorly I was. I became very disengaged from the people around me. I really lost myself.
I didn’t have a mobile phone at the time, so it was harder to stay in contact. That cut-off and things happening so fast impacted me hugely. It meant I didn’t have much opportunity to share what had happened with people at school, so there were all these rumours. Friends found that difficult because they didn’t know how much information I wanted to share and didn’t like the way things were being talked about.
Around this time, many of them faded away. I don’t hold it against them, I just think they’d no idea how to support me or what to say. But I did have a couple of friends who put in a huge amount of effort, as did their families. One, who’s still my best friend now, used to bring hand cream over because my treatment caused me to get cracked hands. She’d give me a hand massage while we just sat and watched films, and she didn’t really expect me to talk. She didn’t expect anything from me.
When we did chat, she’d tell me about what was happening. People are different in whether they do or don’t want to know what’s going on without them, but I did. I was interested in how people were. I felt like I was missing out, but at the same time I didn’t want to not know anything or for people to think I didn’t care. So, she’d say, "do you want me to tell you what’s going on?" or "do you want to hear about this party?", which helped me feel engaged, at a level I was comfortable with.
There were also some friends who’d just passed their driving tests and would ask if I wanted to go for a drive and get a milkshake. I think they thought it was something practical they could do, and it showed a real kindness. Another thing that’s stayed with me is when I was in hospital with an infection, meaning I couldn’t go to prom. Having asked first if I was comfortable with it, one girl and boy brought their outfits in and got ready on the ward with me. That they chose to do this meant so much to me.
All these things can make a world of difference. I think so many people want to help but they’re not quite sure what to do. My advice to them would be to say, “I’ve thought about this, are you up for it?”, and allowing the person to say yes or no.
Since 2010, I’ve been working for Teenage Cancer Trust, initially in its education team, going into schools to raise awareness of signs and symptoms. I worked in that team until 2019, and really loved working on the ‘Mates Matter’ programme, where we worked with young people with cancer to support them in school with their friendship group. We’d help their friends understand what they were going through and explain how they could help. It’s a powerful thing for me to be able to support young people using my own experiences, and I feel very lucky to work in roles that I know would have helped me during my own treatment.
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From Contact magazine issue 104 | Autumn 2024
